I have FMD. For years I have suffered with it. I have done my best, asked for support, and still I endured this emotionally taxing syndrome on my own. After returning home from a family reunion in Canada recently, I was able to come clean, to admit the truth. The simple truth is I have been afflicted with it for years. Ok, decades.
Pills. Medication. Tears. Homeopathic remedies. Prayers. Nothing has worked.
After meeting my cousin Sara Smith for the first time in northern Ontario, she put my questioning to rest. After watching me sputter about, she said those three words which put me at ease. I was beyond relieved knowing I wasn’t the only one. “Female Map Disorder? I suffer from this, too,” said Sarah.
OMG, now I could talk about this to someone. How liberating. I didn’t have to have the shame of being the only one. Heading up a market research company, I quickly initiated and conducted a highly scientific, statistically significant, research poll. The results showed an overwhelming 77.8% of North American women suffer from FMD. This must be reported to the Harvard School of Medicine at once!
Common symptoms among women who suffer from Female Map Disorder include:
- Challenged by the amount of folds to get a map back in flush, re-fold condition
- Nervousness when driver asks ‘north or south’? and you respond ‘you must mean left or right’
- Anxiousness when having to determine distances between cities, specifically, how to come up with the answer by measuring a couple of inches
- Increased stress levels by listening to the bossy driver who repeats “I can't do everything" when an FMD patient does not provide rapid fire, correct answers (yes, Sara, I totally understand)
- Horror when seeing men sitting at a table or standing by the car reading, studying and talking about directions for more than two minutes
- When combined with PMS, FMD can lead to an exacerbated state
- Though not contagious, it certainly seems to run in the family
To date, medical research has only found two antidotes for FMD:
- A GPS system that recalibrates, or
- Map Quest – with line by line directions
Look for FMD support groups coming soon to your city. Cousin Sara, you are a lifesaver!
Drive Your Bargain,
Anne
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